He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
