Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
