I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
