What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
