what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
