Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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