I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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