the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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