I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
