I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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