The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
