I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
