every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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