Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
