Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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