At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
