Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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