you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
