Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
