Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
