He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
