If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
