she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
