God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
