the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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