it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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