I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
