But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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