I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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