I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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