After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
