Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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