we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
