Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize