Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
