Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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