your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
