just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
