i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
