Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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