my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your cock deserves a montage
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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