Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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