Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
