So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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