I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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