Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
