you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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