I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize