I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
