Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just pynch a tree in the face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize