Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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