no, he came in my armpit
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
