The maid of honor just puked.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
