so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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