Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
