Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
