considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
