its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
