Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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