This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
