If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
