My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
