Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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