a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Operation Purity has been aborted
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
