The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
