apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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