Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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