kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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