He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
