I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
