i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
