I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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