How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
